Relating to Aries

Come on!  Are you ready to go sky diving?  Go on a trek up into the Himalayas?  Take off for parts unknown and have an adventure?  If so, you’re good for relating to Aries, that place in each of us which wants and needs spontaneity and a challenge.

But what about the real people in your life who are either Sun-sign Aries or have strong signatures in that sign like Ascendant, Moon, or personal planets in Aries?  I’d like to explore the principles of that sign where relationships are concerned and relay some anecdotal stories as illustrative of those themes.

From my experience all people with strong Aries qualities are doers.  They aren’t the types who like to sit around talking for hours on end.  They get too restless and bored.  If you want a good conversation with an Aries, take a walk with them or go on a jaunt somewhere, get out and play, and then share conversation over a nice meal perhaps.  They have that ‘bip bip’ energy, so don’t drag them down or hold them back.

My Aries Mother at 3 years

They have a freshness, a child-likeness, even a sweetness that is decidedly not world-weary in demeanor.  No one talks much about their sweetness, but I find it true of both sexes though Aries men are quite masculine to be sure.  They are anything but wimps.  Still, they can play with wee children in the gentlest manner and connect with that wonderful openness that all natural, healthy children possess.  I think of my father-in-law who was this very manly Aries who had worked in a meat-packing plant from the age of 14 years on, later becoming an inspector.  Wally was also a hunter and fisherman.  Yet no one was kinder or more gentle really.  He was a big sweet man!

Aries women are both sweet and fierce in one.  They can kick-ass without relinquishing their femininity.  They often have very girlish voices, though an occasional Bette Davis type may appear amongst them (she smoked a lot, however!)  They are equally good at outdoor athletics and intellectual pursuits, and they are always ready to go when the urge moves them.  Nostalgia for by-gone days is not something they indulge in.

They are often animal lovers and animal rights activists.  I remember well one day when our Aries daughter at the ripe age of 10 years announced at the dinner table that she was no longer going to eat any meat.  And that was that!  She stuck to her guns in spite of the fact that she had loved raw meat even.  Later she even refused to wear anything made from animals as well.  I have a wonderful Aries client who is a horse lover.  She communicates with her horses as if they were human and I do believe she sees them often as more intelligent as well!

Most Aries types are idealistic in their bravery, and that, too, keeps them young.  Robin Hood is the classic male Aries archetype who champions the poor and oppressed by challenging the rich, corrupt establishment.  He rescues damsels in distress as well.  Allowing for the heroic in her man is a wise attitude in any woman relating to an Aries male.  The Aries male needs to be the ‘Knight in Shining Armor’ or risk the fate of ‘Jason and the Argonauts’ if he doesn’t treat his woman with respect.  Lots of Aries men have been leading-men in the movies portraying the warrior archetype in some manner such as Russell Crowe of ‘The Gladiator’ fame, Michael Fassbender, Marlon Brando, Spencer Tracy, Alec Baldwin, and even director Francis Ford Coppola with both his ‘Godfather’ series and ‘Apocalypse Now’.

The Aries woman may embody the ‘Joan of Arc’ archetype by having a mission, a cause which calls upon her vision, her ideals, and bravery to champion. A recent (July 2011), very funny article in Rolling Stone even depicts Aries Michele Bachmann as a Joan of Arc wielding her bloody sword and red bible aloft. More intelligent Aries crusading women are Gloria Steinem, Maya Angelou, and even Lady Gaga with her ‘stop the bullying’ campaign.

Kristen Stewart, an Aries actress, is starring in a new version of Snow White entitled ‘Snow White and the Huntsman’.   Here’s a new twist which brings out the Aries archetype beautifully within that timeless classic; she’s the Aries innocent and sweet young woman combined with the fierce warrioress who challenges the wicked queen by joining forces with her male Aries- counterpart, the Huntsman.  Even ‘The Hunger Games’ movie, which made it’s public entrance on March 23rd at the beginning of Aries,  portrays this renewed archetype of the strong, brave woman who faces the demonic entrenched, and corrupt power of the establishment by pitting her energy in competition and battle.  ‘The ‘Hunger Games’ strikes another cord around the Uranus in Aries square Pluto in Capricorn themes which we’re all now living through.

This leads to another major theme in Aries:  independence.  If you want to stay in harmony with an Aries it’s best to honor their driving need for autonomy and freedom.  Many an Aries will up and leave when they perceive themselves to be chained too tightly to another, or in a situation which makes them feel entrapped.  It is this quality which also most irks and injures those who feel they’ve supported them over long stretches in their often impulsive quests.  The feeling of abandonment can be great in those left behind, and the Aries may not be able to completely verbalize this urge in any way that makes sense to their bereaved ex-partner, parent, or even friend.  It is Aries very nature to be self-willed and that often is experienced by others as being selfish and unwilling to compromise.

What are sacred to Aries are their dreams and the romantic possibility of something magical and heroic that they can pour their passion and ardor into.  A partner who can enter in to that dream and join in the adventure is what keeps the fires burning in Aries’ heart, but, as Liz Greene stated “Romantic liaisons often begin as a fairy tale and end in a cage…..This is no fun at all, since the propensity for unreliability in relationships leads to tremendous loneliness and a big, fat sense of failure.”

Again, we are only looking at this one-dimensional aspect of Aries.  Most people with Sun, Ascendant, Moon, etc in the sign also have planets in other elements such as earth, water, or air.  Also, because Aries progresses through time into the next sign of Taurus, then Gemini, and perhaps finally Cancer, there is the likelihood of greater wholeness that evolves over a lifetime. Yet the thesis of Aries is intended to predominate which suggests that to be a fire-energized Self is the heroic quest of all those born into this sign.

Let’s now look at Aries in relationship to the other elements and signs:

Aries with Fire:

Fire fuels fire with sparks of enthusiasm, fun, passion, and spontaneity.  Fire needs fire, for all the other elements can put Fire out.  Water douses fire out, Earth snuffs fire out, and Air blows fire out.  No wonder fire is drawn to other fire signs.  It’s really the most vulnerable of the elements yet feels like it’s the most dangerous.  Fire signs are more prone to depression if their fire goes out.  When I see this in a client, I always encourage them to co-mingle with other fire types to get sparked again.

Aries with Aries = like two fresh souls joining in to the adventure of life, this can certainly work.  I know of one long married couple who founded a wonderful enterprise here in the Foothills involving the Earth and growing things of beauty and medicinal value (no, not what you’re thinking/ha!).  They are now world famous and teach and do trainings together, both Aries.  Their business is their special child and they treat it as if it were.  I think it has worked because they both probably retain a certain degree of independence within the sphere that they are good at.  It is also because the business keeps them always growing and stretching and never bored.
Probably this combination won’t work when one partner isn’t carrying equal weight or they have stopped having adventures together.

My Aries Mother in her '80s

Aries with Leo = This is an easy trine relationship with Leo carrying more weight because it is Fixed in mode.  This combination can support personal self-expression where the initiative of Aries reinforces the enthusiasm of Leo and they can engage in creative projects together which are both brave and bold, bright and beautiful.  Together they can put on quite an impressive show in life!  They can also have a lot of fun together.  I remember well when at 69 years my Aries mother remarried a Leo.  She said she wanted ‘an honest man’ and she got one.  He was so honest he was brutally blunt at times, but she endured that more abrasive side of him because they did travel a great deal and had some truly good times for 18 years.  He was a bit of a curmudgeon who’d had a rough and tumble life heading unions.  She was more refined having been a minister’s wife and a college professor.  She yielded to his sovereignty by selling her beautiful home and moving north to be with him in his working-class neighborhood.  The money from her home became their ‘fun money’ and they were loveable companions to the very end with him saying on his death-bed that he was going to heaven to be with her on the other side.  Fiery love in the golden years.

Aries with Sagittarius = This is considered one of the best combinations for Aries of all the signs.  One author goes as far as to say it is the only one because both are enthusiastic and ready to throw themselves into the relationship with complete abandon.  I’ve definitely seen this happen.  Both are progressives and happiness together can be as much about an inner state of repore as an outer camaraderie.  They both move and groove on inspiration and intuition and push each other on to new directions as they grow and experiment together.  Having a mutual vision helps.

Aries with Earth:

Aries is often drawn to Earth for the substance and solidity with which Earth signs can help Aries manifest their dreams.  Their abundant energy does make a nice blend with the practicality of earth, though earthy types may find Aries a bit too pushy.  Aries may need to work at creating or maintaining the excitement they so thrive on.  The shadow side of Aries may be their fear of the body itself, which Earth revels in.  The body is too confining, restrictive, or too formed in certain respects for the idealization of Aries.  Since Earth is the least prone to fantasies and likes basic, sensual, matter-of-fact scenarios, Aries can truly get into situations which sexually become boring or where they feel they’re asked to perform like a machine.  Remember, Aries is more of a sprinter than a long-distance runner.

Aries with Taurus = These two are side-by-side with Aries bringing something into being while Taurus attempts to find its worth or value.  Aries is the trailblazer seeking freedom while Taurus is the settler seeking security and stability.  Aries isn’t concerned with ownership unless it morphs into some new enterprise, while Taurus identifies with what is owned and possessed.  Sexually Aries seeks release while Taurus wants progeny as tangible proof of potency.  Aries is the ‘Star-ship enterprise going where no man has gone before (and, by the way, William Shatner, who played Captain Kirk, is an Aries as is George Takei who played Lt. Sulu) while Taurus extends only to create a strong base for further construction.    Marcia Moore called this combination ‘Consolidation of Activity’ and if two people with strong notes in both signs join forces together this is a possibility.  While I can’t recall two sun-signs together I do know of plenty combinations where one might have Sun in Aries while the other has Moon in Taurus, etc.

Aries with Virgo = Now here’s an interesting combination.  Moore’s term is ‘Differentiation’.  Yes, they both must adjust to very different forms of energy in each other.  Aries is Cardinal Fire whilst Virgo is Mutable Earth, yet both want independence and the pursuit of individuation.  Both are sharp, keen thinkers who like to pursue specific, personal goals, and both may, indeed, specialize to do so.  Another way of looking at this is that Aries will initiate the ego-building process while Virgo climaxes and attempts to master it.  This relationship works if both defer to the other’s self-reliance.  Virgo may have to curb the tendency to criticize and Aries may have to curb the desire to push.

Aries with Capricorn =  What these two share in common is a need for action, but Aries will strike out boldly and wave the banner of independence, moving on to other goals if too much red tape intervenes while Capricorn will plod along resolutely in order to endure and eventually reach the goal after much bureaucratic frustrations and delays.  The shadow of both is sensitivity where Aries really, secretly wants people to like them while Capricorn is sensitive to feelings of abandonment. These two could actually accomplish much together so long as Capricorn doesn’t act too much like Eyore and squelch Aries’ enthusiastic fire, and Aries concedes that manifestation of enduring forms can support further new pursuits in the long-run under the watchful planning of Capricorn.

Aries with Air:

This is a very Yang combination which is both complementary and highly combustible.  Air can often articulate what Aries intuits as well as offering encouragement to Aries’ enthusiasm.  If both agree on an idea or project they can work well together.  The Fire of Aries often fans the mind of Air and sparks do fly which are heady and high for both.

Aries with Gemini = This is such a witty combination and works really well in friendships especially.  There is such stimulus here for novelty and change which keeps both their bodies and minds actively on the go.  Gemini extends the power of Aries and they can both throw themselves energetically into new endeavors.  Both like change and Gemini’s love of variety keeps Aries fresh and never bored.  Staying grounded is another matter for these two high-flying signs.

Aries with Libra = is an oppositional kind of relationship, though both are part of one long continuum if they wish to see it that way.  Aries stands for personal liberty and Libra stands for laws which govern right relationships.  If they can express love freely and honor the independence of each this is a union that can grow into self-realization through exchange with the beloved.  Both are natural romantics at heart.  It may very well be that ‘Beauty and the Beast’ is classic Aries/Libra for the former implies raw, primal instincts while the later wishes to civilize and refine such urges into a loving dance of equals.

Aries with Aquarius = is a grand, energetic combination of two ‘libertarians’.  Both favor independence and the Aquarian can lend social consciousness to the Aries eagerness to champion something worthy of their courage.  Originality can blossom here because the fixed qualities of Aquarius blend easily with the entrepreneurship of Aries to invent and create new modern technologies that will endure.  As lovers this combination is good for the modern egalitarian life-style of free-thinkers.

Aries with Water:

This is a combination better suited to more traditional relationships and can deteriorate into co-dependency unless both are consciously alert for the warning signs.  Water is sensitive and often moody by Aries standards, though Water can also open up new realms of discovery for Aries if they are willing to explore the deeper waters of feeling.  Aries can pull Water out of the doldrums when necessary and even champion their vulnerable side as bright knights to the rescue.

Aries with Cancer = In an individual this combination is sweet, child-like, and totally affectionate.  This can also be a nice combination between two lovers though Aries might feel uncomfortable with Cancer’s sensitivity and Cancer may also ask for more commitment than Aries is willing to give.  Aries, on the other hand, may feel dishonored if Cancer is in any way deceitful or manipulative, for they like directness whereas Cancer finds it almost impossible to be that straight forward and guileless.  Moore calls this combo ‘Activity vs. Passivity’.  I’ve known it to work in couples whose love transcends the obvious clash of styles.  In this modern world if the man is a Cancer he may accept the nurturing role more easily.  I grew up with an Aries mother and a Cancer father.  His generation over-compensated for their inherent sensitivity by being super macho.  My mother was always upbeat and—yes—-brave, while my father was constantly alternating between a fiery temper (he had Mars in Aries) and a depleted neediness for empathy and comfort which took him into devious sexual addictions.  My mother suffered in silence until one day she simply lowered the boom and ended the marriage.  She later told me that she didn’t trust her ability to stay strong in his presence, so persuasive was he. Rather than relent and take him back, she chose to simply sever all further contact.

Aries with Scorpio = Keep in mind that both are Mars ruled, though Scorpio has the added rulership of Pluto to master.  Much psychological adjustment is needed for this combination to work.  The vital force for both is strong with the Scorpio’s sustained passion feeling thwarted if Aries bolts.  If both are strong in character, together they could motivate each other and periodically throw off the shackles of the past in order to phoenix-like start all over again.  Together they have the capacity to grapple with tough jobs by using vigorous, and when necessary, drastic methods.  Resentment is the shadow in this relationship and anger turned toxic can lethally destroy the passion that enflamed them initially.

Aries with Pisces = These two, side-by-side, are opposites in that Pisces lives to renounce and endlessly sacrifice its ego while Aries lives to assert its ego and develop the strength of an individualized core self.  Pisces must allow for dissolution while swimming in a sea of memories of which Aries tries valiantly to extricate itself from and simply move forward with raw kinetic power struggling to be free of the bondage which Pisces may willingly accept with compassionate understanding.  Yet Pisces is drawn to Aries for the same reason that Aries is drawn to Taurus; to move forward towards hope and a bright new beginning.  Often Aries sun-signs will have a bit of Pisces in their make-up which brings a resonance and even empathy with Pisces.  Pisces can certainly ‘understand’ Aries even if it hurts inside to see them so independent and seemingly disconnected.

That concludes my sign-to-sign comparisons.  Keep well in mind that the art of synastry in astrology is complex and less than perfect in determining why some relationships fail and others thrive irregardless of the planetary influences and combinations.  As I said in my first article, the alchemy of relationship always has the added ingredient of consciousness in the mix.  Two unconscious people may up their chances of success by using correct astrological formulas while two highly conscious people may succeed in spite of the challenges of their energy combinations.  I even think that some couples choose each other to grow spiritually because the conflicts force love to grow in ways it wouldn’t were things too easy.

Our Aries Granddaughter

Parenting or grand parenting an Aries child can be sheer delight, absolute terror, or both!  The high energy and alertness of an Aries child is refreshing, even exhilarating.  They can be little whirling dervishes and hard to get to bed at night unless you’re willing to sit and read them wonderful stories of magic and bravery, which is certainly fun for an air-type.  If they seem hyper-active it’s important to evaluate whether you have the same fiery energy or are a more passive water-earth type who wishes you had an easy-going child.  Aries can be high maintenance because they want to be busy every minute.  They also require constant watching when tiny.  I remember well an incident with our little Aries girl of two years when we first moved to the Sierras.  She liked to be naked and free and loved to roam with our dog, Cecilia, out back in the woods.  However, one day a neighbor lady brought her to me saying she’d found her wandering with the dog, completely naked, down her long dirt road.  She also warned me that there were rattle snakes about that time of year.  Yipes!  After that scare I kept my Pisces self in tow and never let her out of my sight!  Though it was important as she developed to give her enough freedom and autonomy to keep her spirit alive and growing.  She left home at 18 years to trek the globe and came back a young woman full of confidence and strength.  Of course we worried about her, but have never regretted giving her a good send-off and trusting the angels to protect her enroute.

One last anecdote to illustrate the Aries need for challenging journeys of self-discovery involves my husband’s son from his first marriage.  He, too, left the safety of our nest in his early 20s and journeyed on a small sailboat with a friend from San Francisco to the Hawaiian Islands.  They actually made it!  While there he had plenty of other adventures and mishaps including losing everything on a small skiff that capsized one night and then, while sleeping on the beach, losing his glasses which fell off the driftwood into the campfire.  With no money, no clothes, nor glasses what was he to do?  Why join the Hari Krishnas for a spell, and dance and whirl away his nights on sugar and spiritual highs!

So are you ready for a spirited ride with an Aries?  Go for it!